From Martha to Megan: Celebrity Documentaries for the Holidays

Well, it’s almost Christmas. Again.

Anyone else struggling to feel jolly this year? I tried to get into the spirit the other day by watching It’s a Wonderful Life while wrapping Christmas presents, but I only had access to the abridged version, and they cut out all the parts that made me cry.

How am I supposed to get into the Christmas spirit without seeing capitalism utterly ruining Bedford Falls, only to be redeemed by Jimmy Stewart? I need to see Mary as an old maid librarian so I can feel something, damn it!

What do y’all want me to do, watch a Hallmark movie? This lady on TikTok said Hallmark movies are actually Christian nationalist propaganda, and I kind of believe it. That’s probably why they want to get rid of TikTok. 

Anyway, if you, too, have been victimized by abridged anticapitalist classics and Hallmark movies and need to feel your feelings before you go and spend time with your family, I have to recommend an old standby: the celebrity documentary.

You already know. Let’s get into it.

Martha on Netflix
The documentary 'Martha' on Netflix

First up, Martha on Netflix. A complex, badass queen. A boomer billionaire felon who would actually get my vote. Let Martha Stewart run everything. 

There’s a lot to unpack in this documentary, but one thing that obviously resonates with me is her need to garden, her need to make beauty, her need to make cucumber sandwiches in prison. Iconic.

Part where I cried: when Snoop talked about their friendship. I listened to his new album with Dr. Dre yesterday, and he shouts her out multiple times. I love that.

Rating: 5/5 Good Things

Megan Thee Stallion: In Her Words (Amazon Prime)
A poster for the Megan Thee Stallion documentary

Next up: Megan Thee Stallion: In Her Words on Prime. I just love her so much. I couldn’t help but compare Megan to Martha since I watched them back to back, but actually, I’m pitching this collaboration: Cooking With Martha and Meg. In the first episode, Meg takes Martha to a wellness retreat and they talk about perfectionism and healing their trauma together. 

Like Martha, Megan has an eye for aesthetics (peep her Christmas decorations in the documentary!), and if you’ve watched her TikToks, she also loves to cook. I’d love to see them talk about home decor and watch them cook together. Guest starring Snoop, obviously. Call me, Martha and Meg!

Megan Pete’s evolution into Megan Thee Stallion is often a painful journey, but damn, it’s inspiring to see how she takes care of herself and advocates for herself. 

Part where I cried: The whole time, but especially when Meg just really wanted some jalapeño chips and had been thinking about them all day and when she got home she didn’t have any. Sometimes it’s that one thing that just tips you over the edge, you know?

Rating: 5/5 Jalapeño Chips

Will & Harper (Netflix)
A poster for the Netflix documentary Will and Harper

Will & Harper continues my apparent theme of badass women. And Will Ferrell is there, too! I love a good road trip story. Will and his friend Harper Steele embark on a road trip to see America with new eyes after Harper has transitioned, and it is, indeed, eye-opening for all involved.

Seeing SNL writers with the cast members they write for kind of lets you see the process, and as someone who watched SNL religiously during the Will Ferrell era, I really loved seeing them riff off of each other. I didn’t know that I knew Harper before I watched this documentary, but it turns out I did; she was there the whole time in some of my favorite sketches.

I love seeing guys like Snoop Dogg and Will Ferrell in these supporting roles. They’ve both grown into these lovely examples of positive masculinity: respectful, protective, uplifting, safe. 

Part where I cried: Any time Will cried. And any time Harper cried. And the Tiffany’s box. Ugh. 

Rating: 5/5 Dunkin Donuts

Okay, so at this point I have cried many, many tears. 

But I couldn’t stop there. I had to go for the jugular. If I’m going to cry, give it to me. Give me Whitney (2018) on Netflix.

Whitney (Netflix)
The poster for the documentary Whitney on Netflix

Listen. This one had been popping up a lot but I knew I had to put it off until I was emotionally ready. 

It’s hard to watch. Whitney Houston was an absolute icon. I remember where I was when I heard she died. I was at an insanely large bonfire where it was announced on the radio between classic rock tunes. Fitting, since Whitney herself was a flame who burned too big and too fast. 

One country girl habit I just can’t shake is that I love burning a pile. If you want to keep a fire burning, you have to keep feeding it. So few people really fed Whitney. Most just stood in her glow and fed off her warmth.

Part where I cried: “The Star Spangled Banner.” Y’all, I have been trying to figure out what “Make America Great Again” means for the past eight years or so, and I’ve finally figured it out. It was that moment. Whitney Houston singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl in 1991. That, my friends, is when America peaked. Anything anyone else says is a lie.

Rating: 5/5 fistfights with Diane Sawyer