As I sat in pre-op on Tuesday, the nurse stuck the first IV stent in my wrist. I took a deep breath and immediately knew something was off. Apparently the gate in my vein closed up and wouldn't let it go in. Okay, no big deal, let's start again. As she put the tourniquet back on, I began to panic. "Why am I doing this? Am I crazy for having a double mastectomy? What if something goes wrong? We've can't even get an IV started...". And the next thing I knew I'm feeling sick and full on sobbing. My sweet nurse went and got another nurse and when she came in I just spilled my guts. "It's not fucking fair. I've already had leukemia, now I have a genetic mutation that's going to more than likely cause my body to try and kill me again by creating more cancer...like when do I get a break?!" As I spilled my guts to these two strangers, they both sat there and listened intently. They agreed it's not fair and everything I was feeling was completely valid. During this, the second nurse had found a replacement IV area and already started it, pushed some fluids, and we were on our way. They asked for hugs as they left and told me how brave and I strong I was for making this decision to strike first.
As they closed the door, I took a deep breath and told myself "You've got this."
As the day went on, which was really about another 45 minutes of consciousness for me, I just kept repeating "You've got this." Fast forward through this week, and as I've recovered, I've had some rough times. But thanks to an incredible husband (seriously, my husband deserves all the praise and love and gold medals and bourbon), a mom whose loves knows no bounds (she helped me empty drains, change clothes, help take care of the dogs, give me medicine, and even clean out our fridge...I mean only a mother's love could do this), the most supportive and encouraging family and friends who couldn't be in person but who made sure I knew how loved I am, I truly believed it when I said to myself "You've got this."
And that ties into everything I've seen in the Olympics this week. One of the perks of not being able to really move and do anything is getting to watch the most talented athletes in the world do their thing! I've watched swimming, gymnastics, track and field, equestrian, hand ball, rugby, volleyball, basketball, soccer, tennis, canoeing, judo, and fencing. It's been sports overload! And of course, you can't forget the commentary of Snoop, Flavor Flav, Michael Phelps, Lorie Hernandez, Kara Goucher and others.
We've seen people who we judged as being not athletic go out and prove us wrong. We've seen household names have a bad day and not qualify for the semi-finals or finals of their events. We've seen keyboard warriors attack artistic interpretations and mistake a female for a male just because it was easier to post a sensational headline instead of do about 3 minutes of reading.
We've seen political candidates make statements about "black jobs" and the hottest athlete on the planet clap back and say she loves her black job. Simone Biles is the epitome of FAAFO. And I am here for it. Between the Black Jobs clap back, telling her former teammate who seems to have some racist and elitist thoughts to basically sit down and shut up, get blocked by said former teammate, and then also tell reporters that they really have to stop asking "what's next" after they have just won their Olympic medals, she has owned her space, the space of her fellow athletes, and the space of all of us who are just out here trying to do our best without taking gut shots every day.
Her support system has included her husband Jonathan (he gets a gold medal for being so supportive and hyping her up), his employer, the Chicago Bears, her mom and dad, her teammates, and her fellow competitors. The girls are cheering each other on every day. They're then going and cheering for other sports in their down time. But so is the US Men's Basketball Team, the US Mens' Gymnastics Team, Track & Field athletes, and everyone else who has time before and after their events. Watching these elite athletes come together and support each other so openly is encouraging. Seeing Snoop Dogg and Flavor Flav sit with the families of these athletes and cheer with them just like he's part of their family is adorable. Flavor Flav making sure that an athlete can pay her rent instead of worrying about it while she's there competing is heartwarming.
If there's anything I've learned this week, it's that those who truly love you and see you will show up for you, however they can. Whether it's a a get well text, a bouquet of flowers, a package of bagels, holding up glittery signs and tweeting out what a boss you are to their millions of followers, or just providing a hug...when we show up for ourselves and others, it's amazing how quickly the panic can melt away and the chorus of "You've got this" silences everything else. Including the haters all the way back in America sitting on their couches, wishing they could be where you are.
I'm excited to see what the next week of Olympic drama is, but I know one thing (thank you to my favorite non-sports movie): Love is all around.
