Despite a completely unfair impeachment by the radical left, socialist, Do Nothing Democrats, the very honorable Donald Trump, who does many things all the time like improve his mad golf skills, is standing strong. He hasn’t let impeachment phase him. Quite the contrary! He stays focused on the issues most pressing to America: wind turbines…er, I mean…windmills! Yeah, windmills.
Rejoice! Our president is keeping America safe from Windmills! Taking a break from making jokes about people’s dead family members being in Hell (you know how presidents do), Trump has decided to continue his war on those cancer causing, bald eagle killing, value deflating, fume spewing monsters that are wind turb…windmills. Glory!
Let’s examine what we know about these windmills. We know that they spew mystery fumes into the atmosphere because President Trump, who “knows windmills very much” and has “studied it better than anybody” said so. After asking a group of conservative students if they knew whether “we have a world” or not (we do, and it is tiny compared to the universe which we also know thanks to Mr. Trump), the president explained that windmills spew fumes and gases into the world, which, again, is much smaller than the universe. This is news to many scientists and engineers, but who are they to argue with the man who has studied windmills better than anybody?
More important than the mystery gases that are being spewed into the atmosphere though is the fact that windmills hate America. Get angry, fellow Americans! Windmills are in fact the greatest threat to America today! According to the president, “a windmill will kill many bald eagles.” He followed that statement by declaring “It’s true!” which is odd considering he has never lied ever in his life and we have no reason to believe anything he says is not a fact. For this reason, windmills are ranked among North Korea and Greta Thunberg in terms of national threats to the United States and Donald Trump himself will lead each and every one of us into battle against them.
The War on Windmills is a war that we can all get behind. It will finally unite a very divided American people and heal our country. It’s a Christmas Miracle! Grab your AR-15s and your lifted trucks! We ride at dawn!