The Challenge: All Stars – Nuthin’ But an OG Thang

Um, Alton? You okay?

Fitting that TJ Lavin, host of The Challenge, brings a twist to the elimination involving a mini draft the same week that the NFL makes their own picks.

Luckily for us, no Mel Kiper on The Challenge: All Stars.

Alton, though, did appear to have some vampire blood in him in that he hasn’t aged. Until the daily challenge. What the hell happened?

To begin, the cast comes back from last week’s (at least for us) elimination where Arissa had that weird, though in hindsight somewhat relatable, meltdown with lots of “motherfuckers” being dropped willy nilly. Beth says in a faux bit of sincerity that she really wasn’t trying to intimidate Arissa. Kewl, Beth. No one is scared of you anyways.

This week’s daily was a multi-part challenge that had teams of six carrying a large log up a large hill in order to reach the first checkpoint which had some maths. Most teams solved it reasonably well, and up the hill they run. Next was a puzzle with all sorts of colors. It also involved memory. It’s here that the competitors dwindled down to smaller teams of two in order to put it all in the right order, and it involved lots of running back and forth from the key to the puzzle. When done, they were on their own to run down the hill with another log, albeit smaller.

The Challenge All Stars Credit: MTV

The key moments crop up in the daily. Syrus reveals to the cast and to the audience that he’s got a bum ankle from walking out of the house, I guess. Old people tend to do that. I wake up more mornings than not with something damn near broken or strained just from sleeping.

It’s Alton that blows my mind. Up the hill with his team of five others and he keeps asking for a break? Okay. He’s not out of shape. He’s not insanely old. (He’s 41.) He’s been seen climbing the damn posts outside the compound. Laterrian, who’s 43, wins in a decisive fashion. (Tangent: going into this season of The Challenge, I would not have guessed Laterrian to be as good as he is. Kudos, old sport.)

So what happened with Alton? I’m sure, much like Arissa, there will be more to the story and I’ll come along and put in a link that gives us some behind-the-scenes intel that’ll clear up the mystery of why a man who’s as ripped as Julio Jones and who can scale a wall outside of a house with the ease of a toddler on cocaine nearly has a heart attack while jogging up a hill with five others. Let’s be honest: he wasn’t helping carry the log at that point and the run had turned quite leisurely.

What his lagging production did was seal his fate to face Syrus, shit ankle and all, in elimination. Then, TJ’s twist: no more lifesavers (good) and the man or woman voted into elimination will have to recruit his or her partner (also good). The more drama, the better. As TJ wisely notes, these things will make, break, or create new alliances.

In the end, Syrus’s ankle did him no favors. Oh, and neither did Beth, whom he was made to compete with in elimination due to her shitty performance in the challenge. Alton made the move of the night and got Aneesa, who’s now 11-11 in Challenge eliminations, to be his partner. She crushed it. Alton was able to suddenly do athletic shit again without cardiac arrest. And they go back to the house while Beth giggles her way home and Syrus rightfully leaves in anger.

It wasn’t the best episode of The Challenge and wasn’t even one of the top episodes of The Challenge: All Stars. I’m predicting that once Big Easy gets more screen time, the drama will heat up. I know I sure will. Wink.

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