... in which 3 buttholes discuss "A New Hope".
[00:00:04] Hello there, my name is Corey and I am a Star War.
[00:00:08] And my name is Corey and I am a Star War.
[00:00:11] And my name is Jim and I am a Star War.
[00:00:14] And we are a Star War!
[00:00:20] Before we get too far into this one, if you hear the sounds of rivets and power tools in the background,
[00:00:26] it's because we're recording this episode in one of the hangars on Yavin 4.
[00:00:31] We are actually in one of the Rebel Alliance hangars, and so they're working on X-Wings in the background.
[00:00:39] If they hear the saw in your kitchen or the drill, that means they also probably sat through the outside episodes where we just had birds and shit.
[00:00:48] Those were good, I liked them. I listened to that episode. It was very zen.
[00:00:51] Yeah, no, it was nice.
[00:00:52] It was fine.
[00:00:53] The cicadas are out in force now, though, so it would be tough to record outside right now.
[00:00:57] Yeah.
[00:00:59] We're in Alabama, Roll Tide.
[00:01:00] Yeah, we are.
[00:01:01] All right, so what are we recording? What's the theme? What's the episode?
[00:01:04] This is episode four. This is the one you've all been waiting for.
[00:01:07] Oh, this is the biggie.
[00:01:08] Movie.
[00:01:08] The OG.
[00:01:09] We've all seen it a thousand times.
[00:01:11] And, you know, you've all seen it a thousand times.
[00:01:14] And you've probably listened to some podcasts about it.
[00:01:19] Well, this isn't your normal podcast, right?
[00:01:21] This is just us having fun.
[00:01:23] This is three buttholes talking about Star Wars.
[00:01:25] We'll do some facts and figures.
[00:01:26] We watched it together a few weeks ago.
[00:01:28] If you listened to our last episode, The Acolyte, then we got together with the intentions of recording some episodes.
[00:01:36] We rented a cabin in Georgia and had a bunch of fun.
[00:01:39] Too much fun, actually, which is why we decided not to record.
[00:01:44] So...
[00:01:45] That was the correct amount of fun.
[00:01:47] I don't know about that.
[00:01:48] It was proper.
[00:01:49] Saturday was a little tough.
[00:01:50] Sunday was tough because of what happens.
[00:01:52] Yeah, my asshole still hurts.
[00:01:55] That probably didn't sound the way you wanted it to.
[00:01:58] No, that's exactly how I wanted it to sound.
[00:02:01] Because it sounds, you know, a little...
[00:02:04] What are we doing?
[00:02:04] Sword fighting?
[00:02:07] Yeah, I might edit that whole part out.
[00:02:09] Let's just try and see.
[00:02:11] So, A New Hope.
[00:02:12] A New Hope.
[00:02:12] Here we go.
[00:02:13] Here we are.
[00:02:13] A New Hope.
[00:02:16] Facts and figures.
[00:02:17] We did take a handful of notes.
[00:02:18] You took some notes on our behalf.
[00:02:20] A little bit.
[00:02:20] We're going to be winging a lot.
[00:02:23] So, we're going back to May 25th.
[00:02:26] I just read Scott Turner's commercial that we're going to record later.
[00:02:30] My bad.
[00:02:31] Sorry.
[00:02:32] Sorry.
[00:02:32] An hour.
[00:02:33] Okay, May 25th, 1977.
[00:02:36] Which was also the birthday of...
[00:02:38] Birthday of our own Jim.
[00:02:39] Jimmy.
[00:02:40] Jim Jim.
[00:02:41] That was your day.
[00:02:42] It was my day.
[00:02:43] Your mom could not go see this movie on opening day.
[00:02:46] Much to her disappointment.
[00:02:47] Unless she went that morning.
[00:02:49] Oh, maybe.
[00:02:49] That's true.
[00:02:50] Maybe.
[00:02:51] And had him later.
[00:02:52] I don't know what time you were born, Jim.
[00:02:54] Directed by George Lucas on a budget of $11 million.
[00:03:01] And then on Wikipedia, it says that the box office is $775 million.
[00:03:06] So, that's definitely not opening like the first release.
[00:03:09] That's its whole lifetime.
[00:03:11] Re-releases and special editions.
[00:03:13] It's got to be.
[00:03:14] Yeah.
[00:03:15] Which means that that $11 million is...
[00:03:17] I'm sure he spent $200 million on the special editions.
[00:03:20] Probably.
[00:03:21] Yeah.
[00:03:21] That's a wild guess that we could look on our phones and find out, but we're not gonna.
[00:03:24] So, it was released as Star Wars.
[00:03:27] Star Wars.
[00:03:28] The movie was called Star Wars.
[00:03:30] Was it always plural?
[00:03:31] It was never just Star Wars.
[00:03:33] It was never Star War.
[00:03:34] Uh-uh.
[00:03:35] Okay.
[00:03:35] He did.
[00:03:36] From the beginning, he figured out it was multiple wars.
[00:03:40] Because if you're gonna have one, you're probably gonna end up having two.
[00:03:42] Or at least a small follow-up.
[00:03:44] That's the only thing he knew in advance when this film was done.
[00:03:48] Right.
[00:03:49] Everything else was up in the air.
[00:03:53] Including Luke and Leia being brother and sister.
[00:03:55] Exactly.
[00:03:57] Um...
[00:03:58] This movie won...
[00:03:59] Won six Oscars.
[00:04:01] Holy cow, I did not know that.
[00:04:03] I didn't either.
[00:04:04] Do you want to guess what they are?
[00:04:05] Sound design.
[00:04:07] Yes.
[00:04:10] Special effects.
[00:04:11] Special effects.
[00:04:12] Special effects.
[00:04:13] Visual effects.
[00:04:13] Yeah.
[00:04:14] Editing.
[00:04:15] Film editing.
[00:04:16] Damn!
[00:04:18] Three more.
[00:04:19] Uh...
[00:04:20] Was it best acting?
[00:04:21] No.
[00:04:23] Mark Hamill won for best acting, didn't he?
[00:04:25] Not any of the biggins.
[00:04:27] All right.
[00:04:27] That's it.
[00:04:28] Original score.
[00:04:29] Oh, shit.
[00:04:29] John Williams.
[00:04:30] Yeah.
[00:04:30] My goodness.
[00:04:31] Uh...
[00:04:32] Costume design.
[00:04:32] Of course.
[00:04:33] Vader.
[00:04:34] Uh...
[00:04:35] Art direction.
[00:04:35] Makes sense.
[00:04:36] Okay.
[00:04:36] That tracks.
[00:04:37] So...
[00:04:38] Good for Star Wars.
[00:04:39] I think this is...
[00:04:39] This is the...
[00:04:40] What?
[00:04:42] Fifth?
[00:04:43] No.
[00:04:43] This is the sixth movie that we've done?
[00:04:45] Yeah.
[00:04:46] Because we did the trilogy and the two extras?
[00:04:49] Yep.
[00:04:50] This is the first one that's won.
[00:04:52] Any Academy Awards, right?
[00:04:54] I think they went for visual effects.
[00:04:55] I thought there went a couple of VFX.
[00:04:56] I don't know.
[00:04:57] They were all...
[00:04:57] Much of them is like lost to the Matrix.
[00:05:00] They all lost to...
[00:05:01] They all lost to the Matrix.
[00:05:01] Lord of the Rings.
[00:05:02] And Lord of the Rings.
[00:05:03] Yeah.
[00:05:03] Like even Solo and Rogue One lost to the Matrix and Lord of the Rings.
[00:05:07] Yeah.
[00:05:08] It was a free...
[00:05:09] It was like a re-release thing.
[00:05:11] That's all I put down for vital information.
[00:05:14] But the first question that we had was, when did this become episode four, A New Hope?
[00:05:21] And the answer is, in 1981, it came out.
[00:05:25] They put it back in theaters after Empire had come out and been a big hit.
[00:05:30] And when Empire came out, it said episode five.
[00:05:34] And everybody was like, the fuck?
[00:05:37] Oh, I did not know that.
[00:05:38] So then later that year, he puts this back out.
[00:05:40] And he's like, this is also called episode four now.
[00:05:42] I've been putting this movie out like every six years since it came out.
[00:05:45] Tinkering the whole time.
[00:05:46] Just like...
[00:05:47] So how confused were people?
[00:05:49] Because they didn't have no internet back then.
[00:05:51] Yeah.
[00:05:52] You just had like comic shops you could go to and stand around.
[00:05:55] You had Starlog.
[00:05:55] Starlog magazine.
[00:05:56] Yeah.
[00:05:56] Yeah.
[00:05:57] And wait for people to talk to.
[00:05:59] Mm-hmm.
[00:06:01] And then you see episode...
[00:06:02] I mean, I didn't see this movie first.
[00:06:05] No.
[00:06:05] The first one that I remember seeing in the theater was Jedi.
[00:06:08] And I'm pretty sure I saw Empire first on...
[00:06:11] Because that was the first VHS tape my family rented.
[00:06:15] I think Ray had Empire.
[00:06:18] And then I got a copy.
[00:06:20] Because they had two VCRs, I think.
[00:06:22] What's better than one?
[00:06:23] Two.
[00:06:25] That's how you dub the tape.
[00:06:26] It's the Mac.
[00:06:27] Yeah, I'm the same way.
[00:06:28] I think I saw Empire first.
[00:06:30] And then I definitely saw Jedi in the theater.
[00:06:34] I could be wrong on that.
[00:06:36] You saw Jedi in the theater?
[00:06:38] Yeah, that's what I was saying.
[00:06:39] I saw it.
[00:06:39] Oh, okay.
[00:06:39] I was going to say.
[00:06:40] Yeah, Jedi to me was Star Wars.
[00:06:42] And this was a prequel to me.
[00:06:44] I was like, oh, there's earlier ones.
[00:06:46] So you have older siblings.
[00:06:48] Earlier.
[00:06:48] Yeah.
[00:06:49] What was their exposure like?
[00:06:52] Did they ever talk about Star Wars to you?
[00:06:55] Like, did they see Star Wars in the theater?
[00:06:58] The original?
[00:06:59] A New Hope?
[00:07:01] My brother Travis was seven when this movie came out.
[00:07:04] It's a perfect age.
[00:07:05] I'm sure that they took baby brother Travis to see it.
[00:07:09] I'm sure.
[00:07:09] I don't know that for sure.
[00:07:11] But he's at the perfect age.
[00:07:12] So he, every toy that I think I had when I was a kid, I realized I basically just stole
[00:07:17] from him.
[00:07:18] You've been stealing it from him?
[00:07:18] Yeah.
[00:07:18] I'm like, I had the Hoth play set.
[00:07:20] I'm like, no, I didn't.
[00:07:21] No, you didn't.
[00:07:21] Sorry, Travis.
[00:07:22] That was Travis's.
[00:07:23] That was Trav's.
[00:07:24] It's like his both ears.
[00:07:25] Yeah.
[00:07:26] Sure, now.
[00:07:26] Yeah.
[00:07:28] He wants it back, by the way.
[00:07:30] Probably.
[00:07:32] Yeah.
[00:07:33] So I can remember seeing this one in the theater, but I remember, I feel like Star Wars movies
[00:07:37] would come on like ABC Movie of the Week or whatever back in the stone age when we only
[00:07:42] had a couple of TV channels.
[00:07:44] So you would watch it all chopped up with commercials and everything.
[00:07:49] And then we got HBO.
[00:07:50] We were pretty early on HBO and I feel like it was on there a lot too.
[00:07:53] We had one of them boxes.
[00:07:55] With like 89 buttons across the top.
[00:07:57] Mm-hmm.
[00:07:58] Oh my God.
[00:07:59] I forgot about that.
[00:08:00] Like the very first cable.
[00:08:02] Yeah.
[00:08:02] So the big question, what does this movie have that the other 10 movies don't have?
[00:08:11] That's kind of a tough one.
[00:08:12] I mean, this is, yeah, this has everything in it.
[00:08:14] This invented the entire universe.
[00:08:17] This has the first appearance of Darth Vader.
[00:08:18] Yeah.
[00:08:19] You know what this movie has that none of the other movies have?
[00:08:23] The pressure of being part of a saga or a sequel or a franchise.
[00:08:27] That's true.
[00:08:28] When this movie came out, it was just this movie.
[00:08:31] He was just throwing shit on the wall.
[00:08:33] Right.
[00:08:33] So everybody came to it going, I got no idea.
[00:08:36] Got no expectations.
[00:08:38] I got no bias.
[00:08:39] Right.
[00:08:42] Never seen before.
[00:08:44] And it ends with a-
[00:08:45] That's what this movie has going for it.
[00:08:46] With a nonsensical award ceremony, which tells you, over.
[00:08:50] Fairytale is over.
[00:08:51] Done.
[00:08:51] Thank you, everyone.
[00:08:52] Go home.
[00:08:53] Good guys won.
[00:08:54] Go home.
[00:08:55] Yeah.
[00:08:56] Darth Vader, you saw him?
[00:08:57] We killed him, right?
[00:08:58] He blew off into space.
[00:08:59] Cool.
[00:09:00] Good job, everybody.
[00:09:02] Yeah.
[00:09:04] And then they made 8,000 more hours of content on it.
[00:09:09] Most of which is great.
[00:09:10] Wild.
[00:09:12] What else for round one?
[00:09:15] Feelings.
[00:09:16] What does this movie mean to you?
[00:09:18] What does it evoke in you?
[00:09:22] It's changed for me.
[00:09:24] Yeah.
[00:09:24] How about you?
[00:09:25] I mean, like I said, this wasn't the first one that I saw, as far as I remember.
[00:09:30] Like I said earlier.
[00:09:32] Earlier.
[00:09:33] What?
[00:09:33] Earlier.
[00:09:35] But just the words, like Star Wars was like my childhood.
[00:09:39] Like, you know, we'll get there eventually, but like, there's a handful of things that
[00:09:45] I associate with my childhood.
[00:09:46] There was like, seeing Luke with the fucking black robes, you know?
[00:09:53] Uh-huh.
[00:09:53] And he goes to talk to Jabba and the fucking green saber.
[00:09:57] And you're like, what the fuck is that?
[00:09:59] Uh-huh.
[00:09:59] He had a blue saber before.
[00:10:02] And now it's green.
[00:10:03] But then he got his hand cut off.
[00:10:05] Yeah, that's right.
[00:10:06] Uh-huh.
[00:10:06] That saber is just caught in an orbital sequence around Bespin.
[00:10:13] But yeah, I mean, it's like my childhood.
[00:10:15] That's what I think.
[00:10:15] This avocado just suddenly noticed the person who has been here the whole time.
[00:10:19] For a couple hours.
[00:10:20] Sorry about that.
[00:10:21] Yeah.
[00:10:21] Uh-huh.
[00:10:21] Yeah.
[00:10:22] I mean, I just think about my childhood.
[00:10:23] Like, Star Wars was everything about my childhood.
[00:10:26] And like, Michael Jackson Thriller and Purple Rain.
[00:10:29] Michael Jackson should have been a Star War.
[00:10:32] And yes, I saw that Captain Nemo movie that he did for Epcot.
[00:10:36] Oh.
[00:10:36] Mm-mm.
[00:10:37] You know he wanted to be Jar Jar really bad?
[00:10:39] I did not know that.
[00:10:41] He was like talking to Lucas about it and stuff.
[00:10:43] And was like, I'll put in a hundred mil.
[00:10:47] Let's make this movie.
[00:10:48] You know, like being crazy.
[00:10:50] I'm glad that didn't happen.
[00:10:52] Yeah.
[00:10:54] Yeah.
[00:10:55] To me, at this point, this movie is like, it encapsulates everything about Star Wars
[00:10:59] in that so much of it doesn't make any sense anymore.
[00:11:02] Because it's all gotten so convoluted.
[00:11:04] Like, we'll get into that when we kind of go through it.
[00:11:07] But it's like, half the movie, you're like, is he lying?
[00:11:10] Because what he's saying is wrong.
[00:11:12] Mm-hmm.
[00:11:13] Mostly Obi-Wan.
[00:11:14] Like, everything Obi-Wan says in this movie.
[00:11:16] You're like, well, now I know that's not true.
[00:11:19] Or he's twisted it or he made it whatever.
[00:11:22] That's because he was hiding.
[00:11:23] He was hiding, but like, I don't know.
[00:11:26] Like, he's hiding everything until the moment he was dead.
[00:11:29] It was all like weird lies and orchestrated stuff.
[00:11:33] He was really good at playing the long game.
[00:11:36] Mm-hmm.
[00:11:37] Mm-hmm.
[00:11:38] Mm-hmm.
[00:11:39] This movie has Alec getting us well.
[00:11:43] He's in the end of Jedi also as a Force ghost.
[00:11:49] He's in Empire 2.
[00:11:50] Yeah, he's a Force ghost in Empire 2.
[00:11:52] That's right.
[00:11:52] Unvegable.
[00:11:53] I think he made more money on Empire and Jedi than he did on A New Hope.
[00:11:57] Because he's like, I don't want to be in that shit.
[00:11:59] I'm sure he did.
[00:12:00] This is terrible.
[00:12:01] I don't want to do it.
[00:12:02] I don't think he'd ever like that.
[00:12:03] And then Lucas showed him the checkbook and he was like, all right, I'll be there.
[00:12:07] You can come in for one day and do your scene for Empire.
[00:12:12] I don't have to go to Tunisia.
[00:12:14] I don't have to go to Pinewood, right?
[00:12:16] And you're going to be blurry.
[00:12:17] We're not, you don't even have to try that hard.
[00:12:19] Because I don't want makeup.
[00:12:20] And do your part for Jedi.
[00:12:23] We'll give you a lifetime salary for one hour of your day.
[00:12:26] No, we'll give you a lifetime subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club.
[00:12:32] It's the gift that keeps on giving.
[00:12:35] Before we end this segment and hear a commercial, where do you rank this?
[00:12:41] One to eleven.
[00:12:44] That's freaking tough.
[00:12:45] For me, it's number three.
[00:12:47] Because it's not one.
[00:12:49] Wait, are we going with best or favorite?
[00:12:52] Favorite.
[00:12:53] Still number three for me.
[00:12:56] Yeah, I think so.
[00:12:58] I'm always going to put Jedi at the top because it's the first one I saw in the theater.
[00:13:02] It's not the best movie, but it's my favorite movie.
[00:13:04] We're probably all on the same page.
[00:13:06] I think we are, too.
[00:13:06] That's because of our generation and when we...
[00:13:09] Oh, hey, CJ.
[00:13:10] Hey.
[00:13:11] She's making a very strong argument for us wrapping this up.
[00:13:18] Yeah, I think it's probably Jedi Empire.
[00:13:21] Yeah.
[00:13:22] That's it for me, which is the reverse order that I saw them in.
[00:13:25] Or the order that I saw them in.
[00:13:27] Yeah.
[00:13:28] Yeah.
[00:13:28] True.
[00:13:29] Hmm.
[00:13:30] Yeah.
[00:13:30] That's for me, too.
[00:13:31] It's three.
[00:13:32] All right.
[00:13:33] Let's take a break.
[00:13:34] Come back to force lightning round.
[00:13:35] Taking a break.
[00:13:39] Are your buttholes chapped and chafed from unrest in the outer rim?
[00:13:45] Sand getting everywhere?
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[00:14:51] Buttholes.
[00:14:55] We're back.
[00:14:56] Welcome.
[00:14:57] Hello.
[00:14:58] This is round two.
[00:15:00] Electric Boogaloo.
[00:15:02] Force lightning round.
[00:15:03] Make it happen.
[00:15:05] What's the best scene in this movie?
[00:15:08] Hmm.
[00:15:09] Damn.
[00:15:10] Let's name three.
[00:15:11] We got the trench fight.
[00:15:16] Han showing up.
[00:15:17] Yeah.
[00:15:17] Knocking Vader out.
[00:15:18] It's a pretty good scene.
[00:15:19] All that shit.
[00:15:20] Yep.
[00:15:20] The blowing up of the Death Star, let's say.
[00:15:24] We have the opening scene.
[00:15:26] Cantina.
[00:15:27] Mos Eisley, the cantina.
[00:15:29] Obi-Wan cutting off that dude's arm freaked me out as a kid.
[00:15:32] Mm-hmm.
[00:15:33] I do really like the scene when they're in Obi-Wan's place.
[00:15:37] The opening.
[00:15:37] He's talking about there's this whole new life that you're fixing to have to, like, this
[00:15:43] is what you're, this was your daddy and you should be following in his footsteps and he
[00:15:47] gives him the saber.
[00:15:49] It's a pretty kick-ass scene.
[00:15:51] Yeah.
[00:15:51] And it's really cool the way that Alec Guinness sung, it's a whole new world.
[00:15:56] Don't you dare close your eyes.
[00:16:02] Yeah.
[00:16:03] Use the force, it gets better.
[00:16:05] See?
[00:16:08] Um, what else?
[00:16:09] What other scenes?
[00:16:10] I mean, there's, like, all the stuff on the Death Star where they're rescuing the princess
[00:16:14] and they're...
[00:16:14] I mean, the opening scene, you're right.
[00:16:16] The opening scene.
[00:16:17] The opening with the Star Destroyer coming after this Tantive, is that what it's called?
[00:16:21] I don't know what it's called.
[00:16:22] Tantive 4.
[00:16:24] Leia's ship.
[00:16:25] Leia's ship.
[00:16:26] Mm-hmm.
[00:16:29] Because that just...
[00:16:29] That's gotta be the best scene.
[00:16:31] That just frickin' grabs you.
[00:16:32] Yeah.
[00:16:32] At the very beginning.
[00:16:33] Yeah, that was some kick-ass shit for 1977.
[00:16:35] This is the coolest thing.
[00:16:36] It still is.
[00:16:37] And I can remember...
[00:16:38] It's still the gold standard.
[00:16:39] It's incredible.
[00:16:40] And I can remember that was the first thing when he started messing around with re-special
[00:16:46] editions and re-releases and all that.
[00:16:48] One of the first things they did was put that out in IMAX.
[00:16:51] Mm-hmm.
[00:16:52] And I feel like we went and saw something just because it had the first, like, two minutes
[00:16:57] of Star Wars in IMAX in it.
[00:17:00] It was like an IMAX movie.
[00:17:01] Did we go see Blade Trinity in IMAX just to see the teaser for the Star Wars special
[00:17:06] release?
[00:17:08] We did something.
[00:17:09] Because it was...
[00:17:10] We gotta get to VHS sometime.
[00:17:12] Mm-hmm.
[00:17:13] That's probably...
[00:17:14] I probably ruined it.
[00:17:15] I'm sure it's in my attic somewhere.
[00:17:17] But I've got it.
[00:17:18] I suggest you get up there in this Alabama heat of the summer.
[00:17:21] It is 3,000 degrees up there.
[00:17:24] I will burst into flames.
[00:17:25] Mm-hmm.
[00:17:26] Well, you don't love us.
[00:17:27] No.
[00:17:28] And I've never loved Star Wars.
[00:17:30] What's the best line of this movie?
[00:17:33] I got one.
[00:17:34] I've always loved...
[00:17:37] Probably when I fell back in love with the movies, English classes in...
[00:17:42] I can't remember if it was 11th or 12th grade.
[00:17:43] Miss Montgomery, who is now Miss Freeman.
[00:17:47] For creative writing...
[00:17:48] No, for English classes.
[00:17:49] She used A New Hope to teach...
[00:17:52] There were examples of hubris and catharsis and all these different things that we were
[00:17:56] studying, right?
[00:17:57] Mm-hmm.
[00:17:58] So we watched A New Hope.
[00:17:59] And one of the lines that stuck with me was the one from Obi-Wan where he says,
[00:18:05] Who's more foolish?
[00:18:06] The fool who follows him?
[00:18:07] Mm-hmm.
[00:18:08] I love that shit.
[00:18:10] My favorite line is also from Obi-Wan and it's the classic, These Aren't the Droids You're
[00:18:15] Looking For.
[00:18:16] It's a good line.
[00:18:18] Yeah.
[00:18:18] It is a good line.
[00:18:20] It is also coming up.
[00:18:22] How about you, Sideburn?
[00:18:23] What's your favorite line?
[00:18:27] The Force will be with you, Luke.
[00:18:29] Always.
[00:18:30] Like, Force Ghost says that to him.
[00:18:32] Oh, yeah.
[00:18:33] That's right.
[00:18:33] When he's in the trench.
[00:18:36] That's good shit.
[00:18:37] I like it.
[00:18:38] Or when Han says, Yee-haw!
[00:18:42] Which is that movie's version of Yippee!
[00:18:45] Yeah.
[00:18:46] Try spinning.
[00:18:48] This is a neat trick.
[00:18:50] This is a neat trick.
[00:18:53] Best side character.
[00:18:56] I mean, I'm going to say who you'd hate.
[00:19:00] R2D2 and C3PO.
[00:19:03] Are they side characters?
[00:19:04] They kind of are.
[00:19:05] Yeah.
[00:19:05] They're the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of this movie, right?
[00:19:10] I guess.
[00:19:11] They're like the only characters for the first ten minutes.
[00:19:14] That's true.
[00:19:16] I mean, you meet Leia and you meet Vader.
[00:19:19] Uh-huh.
[00:19:20] You meet Vader before you meet Luke.
[00:19:24] True.
[00:19:24] Right?
[00:19:25] You meet Vader in the 30 seconds in.
[00:19:28] Yeah.
[00:19:29] And that's like the meanest, angriest when he's yelling at him.
[00:19:33] Mm-hmm.
[00:19:33] Tear the ship apart!
[00:19:35] It's like, oh.
[00:19:36] That's one of the notes you made, wasn't it?
[00:19:38] It was real chilly.
[00:19:39] I'll chill the rest of the time.
[00:19:40] Oh, I lost my notes.
[00:19:41] I went somewhere else.
[00:19:43] Best villain?
[00:19:45] Darth MF and Vader.
[00:19:47] There's Vader.
[00:19:48] And this is our only movie with Tarkin, except for the return in...
[00:19:54] Whatchamacallit?
[00:19:55] Rogue.
[00:19:55] Rogue One.
[00:19:55] Still Vader, though?
[00:19:57] Yes.
[00:19:57] Yeah, it's Vader.
[00:19:58] 100%.
[00:19:58] All day, every day.
[00:20:00] Vader.
[00:20:00] I mean, he's in the pantheon.
[00:20:03] Yeah.
[00:20:05] Best hero?
[00:20:07] Luke or Han?
[00:20:09] Or Leia?
[00:20:09] This is Luke's story.
[00:20:11] It's Luke.
[00:20:12] It is Luke.
[00:20:13] I mean, Leia is more heroic and more effective as a leader, but it's Luke's story.
[00:20:21] So, best set or city or planet or location.
[00:20:24] So, planets in this, we only see three.
[00:20:27] There's the rebel base on Yavin 4 at the end.
[00:20:29] There's Tatooine where he is born in the first half of the movie.
[00:20:34] And...
[00:20:35] You can argue that we see Alderaan.
[00:20:36] We swim through Alderaan.
[00:20:39] You could make a case for Alderaan.
[00:20:41] Once it is mush.
[00:20:43] There's Alderaan over there.
[00:20:45] And over there.
[00:20:46] And also over there.
[00:20:50] Oh.
[00:20:50] Oh.
[00:20:51] Our friend Scott that went to high school with us, when he got married, he had a...
[00:20:57] Talking about Fliffy?
[00:20:58] Yeah.
[00:20:59] He had a Star Wars themed wedding.
[00:21:00] That's like a code word.
[00:21:02] Like we all got codes.
[00:21:04] Like we don't have a thousand inside jokes on this podcast.
[00:21:07] But he was working on like the seating arrangement for the reception and all the tables were different
[00:21:15] planets.
[00:21:17] And he realized that like Aunt Susie, who just lost Uncle Bob, and he sat her at Alderaan.
[00:21:23] And he was like, is that gonna like trigger?
[00:21:25] Is that a...
[00:21:25] And I was like...
[00:21:26] Aunt Susie has never seen Star Wars.
[00:21:28] Aunt Susie is not gonna be like, I can't believe you put me on a dead planet.
[00:21:31] Yeah.
[00:21:32] Yeah.
[00:21:34] But that was fun.
[00:21:35] I mean, that's true to his nature.
[00:21:38] That's kind and considerate.
[00:21:39] And you know...
[00:21:41] Yeah.
[00:21:41] I wouldn't have worried if it would have been like Aunt Susie.
[00:21:45] Vaya con Dios.
[00:21:46] Mm-hmm.
[00:21:48] It's the only Star Wars wedding I've ever been to.
[00:21:52] My sister had R2-D2 bring her wedding ring down and their...
[00:21:56] Well, wedding rings.
[00:21:57] R2-D2 brought...
[00:21:59] There's a guy here that's got a life-size R2-D2 that he built.
[00:22:02] And he also built BB-8 and Chopper.
[00:22:06] Does it have a little person inside of it?
[00:22:08] No, he remotes that shit.
[00:22:10] Oh, okay.
[00:22:10] He's an engine.
[00:22:11] He works on rockets and shit.
[00:22:13] He's smart.
[00:22:14] But yeah.
[00:22:16] Alabama's so country.
[00:22:17] Also the guy...
[00:22:20] With your friend, the rocket scientist who builds droids.
[00:22:25] Yeah.
[00:22:25] And then their officiant...
[00:22:28] Where it said religion on their papers, he put Jedi.
[00:22:33] And he did have a saber for part of their...
[00:22:35] I forgot about that.
[00:22:36] He had a saber for part of their...
[00:22:37] That counts then.
[00:22:38] That is a full-blown Star Wars wedding.
[00:22:40] I don't give a shit if people were wearing tuxes and evening gowns.
[00:22:43] That's a Star Wars wedding.
[00:22:45] Now I do have to mention...
[00:22:46] I apologize that my niece got married and my brother Curtis was the officiant in that.
[00:22:51] All right, guys.
[00:22:51] We're coming out.
[00:22:52] We're coming clean.
[00:22:53] Every wedding that we've ever been to has been a Star Wars wedding.
[00:22:57] Curtis went and got ordained in like the...
[00:23:03] It's called like the Ministry of the Sacred Wookiee or something like that.
[00:23:06] Of course it is.
[00:23:07] He's got like a Chewbacca medallion that he wears.
[00:23:10] Right.
[00:23:10] Because Chewbacca didn't get a fucking medallion.
[00:23:13] Yeah.
[00:23:13] Yeah.
[00:23:14] There you go.
[00:23:15] And that's why he does that.
[00:23:16] So he started his own religion.
[00:23:18] And now my brother can marry people.
[00:23:20] Fuck yeah.
[00:23:21] That's awesome.
[00:23:22] Yeah.
[00:23:22] Way to go, Curtis.
[00:23:24] Love it.
[00:23:25] And it freaked the groom's family out.
[00:23:26] Because they were like, you're the what?
[00:23:27] And he's like, the Sacred Wookiee.
[00:23:29] My sister will listen to this and be like...
[00:23:31] And he was like with both hands on the mic, this was your idea.
[00:23:34] And they're like, this is...
[00:23:35] This is gonna be real.
[00:23:35] My sister will listen to this and be like, we also did this and this and this.
[00:23:38] And then I forgot.
[00:23:40] I don't remember.
[00:23:42] That's not her fault.
[00:23:43] That's your fault, by the way.
[00:23:45] I did want to walk in my wedding.
[00:23:47] I wanted to walk down the aisle to the Vader march.
[00:23:50] But that was vetoed.
[00:23:53] Probably for good reason.
[00:23:54] Do you know what?
[00:23:54] She was like, that's starting our marriage off on a bad foot with that ominous music.
[00:23:58] She's not wrong.
[00:23:59] She's not wrong.
[00:24:00] But also, I think in our little circle of fandom here, I think we can make that wish happen for you.
[00:24:07] I think that's something that we can do on the pod.
[00:24:10] We did use it on the pod.
[00:24:11] We can have you walk down the aisle to recording an episode of We Are a Star War to the Imperial March.
[00:24:18] That we can do.
[00:24:19] We did have somebody's getting married by the Muppets in our pre-show.
[00:24:24] Pre-show?
[00:24:25] Pre-wedding music.
[00:24:27] Who was the opening act?
[00:24:29] The Muppets.
[00:24:31] The Muppets.
[00:24:33] Hey, what's your favorite ship in this movie?
[00:24:38] The Millennium Falcon.
[00:24:40] I mean, this one has all of them.
[00:24:41] It's got...
[00:24:42] The X-Wing is also...
[00:24:43] It's got X-Wings.
[00:24:44] It's got TIE Fighters.
[00:24:45] A-Wings.
[00:24:45] It's got Vader's TIE Fighter.
[00:24:46] It's got Y-Wings.
[00:24:47] Vader's TIE Fighter.
[00:24:48] It's also got the Millennium Falcon.
[00:24:49] Did it always have the B-Wings?
[00:24:51] I thought the B-Wings were new for Jedi.
[00:24:53] Oh, they might be.
[00:24:54] Yeah, I think...
[00:24:55] That's true.
[00:24:55] But I mean, with the special edition being kind of the main thing now, I know he added
[00:25:00] some additional ships and stuff like that.
[00:25:02] Yeah.
[00:25:03] I don't think the B-Wing was a ship until Return of the Jedi.
[00:25:06] I think you're right.
[00:25:07] CJ agrees with me.
[00:25:09] She is right.
[00:25:09] She knows their shit.
[00:25:10] This movie also has now the first appearance of Boba Fett, when originally it did not.
[00:25:17] He was in an...
[00:25:18] Oh, yeah.
[00:25:19] This is your least favorite scene in the world.
[00:25:21] It makes me so mad that he added that scene with...
[00:25:23] He kills Greedo, and he's made that weird.
[00:25:27] Because now when you watch it, he says, McClunky.
[00:25:29] And then they both shoot at the same time, and it's weird and stupid.
[00:25:33] Nobody knows what it means.
[00:25:34] And it made more sense before that Han was like, I don't have time for this.
[00:25:37] Han is the guy that will shoot him.
[00:25:38] Han shoots first.
[00:25:39] Han shot first.
[00:25:41] That's it.
[00:25:41] It's over.
[00:25:42] If we're going to redeem Han, this is where he starts, as a guy who's going to shoot people.
[00:25:46] Right.
[00:25:46] Great.
[00:25:47] And then we redeem him.
[00:25:48] We don't go back in time and say he's always been a really good guy.
[00:25:51] No, he hasn't.
[00:25:52] Damn it.
[00:25:53] He's a smuggler, and he shot that man, and no one said McClunky.
[00:25:57] Well, and the whole solo movie was about him learning to shoot first.
[00:26:03] Yeah.
[00:26:04] Yeah.
[00:26:05] Exactly.
[00:26:07] Yeah.
[00:26:07] So then...
[00:26:08] Poor Woody Harrelson never got to play the Valacort because Han shot him dead.
[00:26:13] Mm-hmm.
[00:26:14] But, you know, he was going to kill Han, so I see us love either.
[00:26:17] But they didn't need to add the scene immediately after where he goes and says the exact same conversation he had with Greedo.
[00:26:24] He has it again with this weird, fake Jabba the Hutt that can now walk around and talk, and his eyes go googly when you step on his tail.
[00:26:36] Isn't it funny?
[00:26:37] He hadn't indulged as much in his riches, and he wasn't as fat.
[00:26:41] He hadn't learned enough yet to be the slob in the basement.
[00:26:46] How long until Jedi is...
[00:26:49] It's only a year?
[00:26:49] Like, a year?
[00:26:50] Jabba fell, and he got a windfall, right?
[00:26:53] Like, he had some pod racing schemes that kind of came through.
[00:26:56] Han paid him all that money plus more?
[00:26:58] Yeah, he got paid.
[00:26:59] He was burning.
[00:27:00] And just, you know...
[00:27:02] Living high on the wall.
[00:27:03] It's not a good scene.
[00:27:04] It's not a good scene.
[00:27:05] It's not a good scene.
[00:27:06] We don't need it.
[00:27:07] It's unnecessary.
[00:27:08] Just because you shot it don't mean it's got to go in the movie.
[00:27:12] Well, but there was an era of Lucas films where there was no one telling him no.
[00:27:19] That is true.
[00:27:20] And that's one of those scenes.
[00:27:21] Yeah.
[00:27:22] But again, that was him test driving new tech.
[00:27:26] Yeah.
[00:27:26] And putting it in movies, and the tech that he used to make that scene that we don't like ended up in a lot of other movies.
[00:27:33] It's made Forrest Gump.
[00:27:34] Yep.
[00:27:35] Yes, it made Forrest Gump.
[00:27:37] He should have just put Forrest Gump.
[00:27:39] Yeah.
[00:27:40] That's fucking Jabba the Hutt.
[00:27:41] Gump was out before that.
[00:27:42] I believe I'll need to go pee.
[00:27:44] Yeah.
[00:27:44] I had about 14 Dr. Peppers.
[00:27:50] I believe he said McClunky.
[00:27:53] God damn it.
[00:27:54] Yeah.
[00:27:55] Okay, what's next?
[00:27:57] Best chase?
[00:27:59] I mean, it opens with one of the best chases in all of Star Wars history.
[00:28:03] It does.
[00:28:04] But the trench run.
[00:28:06] Trench run is best.
[00:28:07] Yep.
[00:28:08] Right?
[00:28:08] Yeah, I don't mean, did I even really need to vote on that one?
[00:28:11] No, I don't.
[00:28:11] That's the thing with this episode.
[00:28:13] This is like...
[00:28:14] We're all pretty much going to be in agreement on a lot of this.
[00:28:16] Best fight?
[00:28:18] Like, we only have one lightsaber duel in this one, and it's not our favorite one.
[00:28:23] I think the best fight is when Obi-Wan cuts the arm off that douche pickle in the cantina.
[00:28:30] Because I'm not going to say it's the Obi-Wan Vader fight.
[00:28:32] I'm fine that it's two old men slapping sticks in the middle of the hallway.
[00:28:36] And this bullshit, fucking hyper-choreographed, fan-made film where everybody's like, this needs to be in the movie.
[00:28:43] No, it doesn't.
[00:28:44] If you put that shit in A New Hope, it's going to be like somebody took a shit in the movie.
[00:28:49] It's not going to work.
[00:28:51] It's going to be like putting in a job of the hut that can walk around.
[00:28:55] Thank you.
[00:28:55] Vader would be in good shape.
[00:28:57] It's a great demo reel for the people who made it.
[00:29:00] Hats off to them.
[00:29:01] It doesn't belong in the movie.
[00:29:02] Correct, yeah.
[00:29:03] Obi-Wan would give basically the effort that he gave in the movie.
[00:29:07] Right.
[00:29:08] And that's the thing.
[00:29:09] He didn't have to fight Vader.
[00:29:10] All he had to do was stall him.
[00:29:12] Yeah.
[00:29:12] He already beat Vader.
[00:29:14] Correct.
[00:29:15] Right?
[00:29:16] Correct.
[00:29:17] Catharsis.
[00:29:19] Catharsis.
[00:29:20] Catharsis.
[00:29:22] Isn't that a planet in Star Wars?
[00:29:24] I think that's going to be the next...
[00:29:26] Isn't that where the Sacred Jedi texts are?
[00:29:30] The Sacred Tharsis.
[00:29:32] What's the best shot in this movie?
[00:29:36] Yeah.
[00:29:37] Opening shot.
[00:29:38] Opening shot.
[00:29:39] The Star Destroyer.
[00:29:41] So the Star Destroyer.
[00:29:42] I do like the two sons.
[00:29:44] There's two sons.
[00:29:45] Yeah, Luke looking at the two sons.
[00:29:47] That's badass.
[00:29:47] That's the sentiment.
[00:29:48] And the music.
[00:29:49] Oh, God damn it.
[00:29:49] The whole combination.
[00:29:51] Yeah, I agree.
[00:29:54] In fact, what are we doing with this wall in your office, Jim?
[00:29:57] I think you're going to paint a mural, apparently.
[00:29:59] I think we should paint the goddamn...
[00:30:01] Two sons.
[00:30:02] But it's Jimmy standing there.
[00:30:03] I think the problem is like you folks that are like...
[00:30:06] The one or two of you that are listening to this, you're imagining like an incredible mural.
[00:30:10] It's going to be the most paint-by-numbers bullshit.
[00:30:13] This is going to be two yellow circles.
[00:30:15] No, bitch.
[00:30:16] We're going to get a projector so our proportions is right.
[00:30:19] Sure, let's start with that.
[00:30:20] And the proportions of the skyline on Tatooine.
[00:30:23] But Jimmy's head's got to be right up there.
[00:30:25] Right.
[00:30:26] Enormous.
[00:30:28] Why would Jimmy be in it?
[00:30:30] He can just stand next to it and then you take pictures of it.
[00:30:34] It's like a selfie wall.
[00:30:35] Yeah.
[00:30:36] Instead of Luke looking at the sons, it's Jimmy.
[00:30:37] We're going to make one of the walls in the office a photo booth.
[00:30:40] Yeah.
[00:30:41] Yeah.
[00:30:42] Okay.
[00:30:43] This might be our...
[00:30:44] If you can't do a clubhouse, at least give us...
[00:30:46] Our new building.
[00:30:47] We need a clubhouse.
[00:30:48] Jimmy built a clubhouse.
[00:30:50] Hey, if you guys want to send us clubhouse money...
[00:30:52] Yeah.
[00:30:52] We got to go find me.
[00:30:54] We won't invite you to it.
[00:30:56] At Jimmy needs a clubhouse.
[00:30:58] That's true.
[00:31:00] Dot org.
[00:31:01] Yeah.
[00:31:02] What's the best use of the force in this movie?
[00:31:05] Hannah?
[00:31:07] There are lots of options, but I really like...
[00:31:12] These aren't the things you're looking for.
[00:31:14] Martin.
[00:31:15] Mind trick.
[00:31:15] That's a good one.
[00:31:15] Which one's your favorite?
[00:31:18] Top three would be that.
[00:31:20] It would be the first time he force chokes that dude for bad talk of his religion.
[00:31:23] Mm-hmm.
[00:31:26] Or blowing up the Death Star by turning off your tracking computer and using the force, Luke.
[00:31:33] I mean, he blew up the Death Star by using the force.
[00:31:35] He did.
[00:31:37] Although it's just about the same as Bullseye and Womp Rats.
[00:31:40] Yeah.
[00:31:40] From his T-16s.
[00:31:42] He didn't use the force back then.
[00:31:43] He just trusted in himself.
[00:31:44] So...
[00:31:45] I think the best use of the force is when Obi-Wan is sneaking around the Death Star and he's like circus peanuts.
[00:31:53] He's just like using the force to throw rocks to misdirect the stormtroopers.
[00:31:59] They're over there.
[00:32:01] That's pretty good.
[00:32:02] What's special effects in this movie?
[00:32:05] It's great.
[00:32:08] And they won an award.
[00:32:09] They were...
[00:32:11] Personally, I still like the old shots.
[00:32:15] When you watch this movie now and you're like...
[00:32:17] You can...
[00:32:17] Like for us, I think.
[00:32:18] Uh-huh.
[00:32:18] I don't know about kids now.
[00:32:20] But for us, you can be like, oh, that's the old movie.
[00:32:22] That's the new movie.
[00:32:22] That's the old movie.
[00:32:23] And I like the old movie.
[00:32:25] I like when I can tell it's a miniature.
[00:32:26] Because the fire is a little bit too big for the thing.
[00:32:29] Right.
[00:32:29] It's like one big flame, whatever.
[00:32:31] But you're like, that's a miniature.
[00:32:32] But I've seen a thousand hours of behind the scenes of those miniatures out on the lot where they've got the camera on the thing moving through it.
[00:32:40] Yep.
[00:32:41] Like...
[00:32:43] This movie takes me back to where you would watch a movie and say, God, how did they do that?
[00:32:47] And you don't say that anymore when you watch movies now.
[00:32:50] The fucking...
[00:32:50] No one says that because it's all the same answer.
[00:32:53] Yep.
[00:32:54] CGI.
[00:32:54] Yeah, the fucking scroll.
[00:32:55] Yeah, that's like on a plate of glass, like printed out in several different languages because they had to do it over and over again.
[00:33:01] Oh, that's cool.
[00:33:02] For a bunch of different countries, I just learned.
[00:33:04] On a meme somewhere.
[00:33:07] What are you...
[00:33:07] CJ is mad.
[00:33:09] CJ's big mad.
[00:33:10] Acting, plot, fan service.
[00:33:14] This movie doesn't have fan service.
[00:33:15] No.
[00:33:16] No.
[00:33:17] The acting was bad.
[00:33:17] It didn't have fans when they made it.
[00:33:19] The acting was fine.
[00:33:20] Yeah, I mean...
[00:33:21] I mean, it's not great.
[00:33:23] Just a little bit of the...
[00:33:26] Going to the Tosche station.
[00:33:28] So, when we get to the nerdy with it, we'll come back to that one.
[00:33:32] But I got a couple of feelings on that one.
[00:33:35] But watching this back with our grown eyes, I still like Han Solo.
[00:33:41] I'm like, Harrison Ford is kicking ass in this movie.
[00:33:43] He is so good.
[00:33:44] If you can put one F-bomb in this movie.
[00:33:47] It's gotta be Obi-Wan.
[00:33:48] Use the fucking force, Luke.
[00:33:51] Nah.
[00:33:52] It can't be Obi-Wan.
[00:33:54] He wouldn't curse, would he?
[00:33:55] I don't know.
[00:33:56] I think it's that son of a bitch on the Star Destroyer that Vader chokes out.
[00:34:01] Right?
[00:34:02] Who's just...
[00:34:02] Yip, yip, yip, yip, yip.
[00:34:04] Just fucking running his mouth about old religions and sorcerers and shit.
[00:34:07] And Vader's like, click, click, click, click.
[00:34:09] When Vader finally lets him go, he's like quietly, fuck.
[00:34:15] That's pretty good.
[00:34:16] Or it's the fucking intern three seats down who's like, oh, fuck.
[00:34:21] I'm gonna go comedic and say when they turn off, when C-3PO finally turns off the trash compactor.
[00:34:30] And they're in there, fuck!
[00:34:34] Or C-3PO's like, oh, fuck, listen to them screaming.
[00:34:37] Right, listen to their screams.
[00:34:39] They're dying in agony.
[00:34:41] Does he say damn my slow limbs or something?
[00:34:46] Robot arms.
[00:34:47] In the background while he's listening, it says listen to them screaming.
[00:34:50] We just hear, fuck!
[00:34:54] Alright, that's lightning round.
[00:34:57] Alright, seg two, done, down.
[00:34:59] We'll be back.
[00:35:01] Oh no!
[00:35:02] Another humdrum day doing your dumb job on Coruscant?
[00:35:06] Sometimes you need a delicious burger.
[00:35:09] With a side of obscure weapons knowledge.
[00:35:12] Dex's diner.
[00:35:14] Open, always.
[00:35:15] Dex has four arms and a unique face.
[00:35:18] And he can cook a mean sloppy joe.
[00:35:21] And he knows what kind of dart that is.
[00:35:26] Dex!
[00:35:27] We are back for round three.
[00:35:29] And I am a star...
[00:35:30] Oh no.
[00:35:31] Oh yeah, no.
[00:35:35] Round three, let's get nerdy with it.
[00:35:37] Let's do it.
[00:35:38] Y'all have anything pressing you want to just spit out right now?
[00:35:41] Or you want me to throw some things at you?
[00:35:43] James sent me a TikTok that I can't watch because I refuse to sign up for TikTok.
[00:35:48] I'll show you.
[00:35:49] He sent it to me.
[00:35:50] But I was able to get the gist of it and it was basically...
[00:35:54] I had synced it.
[00:35:54] A contemporary takedown of A New Hope.
[00:35:57] Yeah, it's like if nerds today were watching A New Hope.
[00:36:00] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:36:01] And there was nothing new about it because those were all things that we said about it.
[00:36:05] Yeah, yeah.
[00:36:06] They're like when Lando shows up, they're like, oh, they're going to walk.
[00:36:10] They're going to walk.
[00:36:13] It's funny.
[00:36:14] I mean, the dude was...
[00:36:14] I mean, it is funny.
[00:36:16] He needed to edit.
[00:36:17] I'm very critical of TikTok videos.
[00:36:20] Edit that shit down.
[00:36:21] Nobody needs three minutes of that.
[00:36:23] This guy's a TikTok connoisseur.
[00:36:24] I'm sorry.
[00:36:25] Go ahead.
[00:36:26] He is the Ebert of TikTok critics.
[00:36:29] Well, a lot of the things we talk about usually...
[00:36:33] What's been retconned?
[00:36:34] Nothing.
[00:36:35] Freaking all of it.
[00:36:36] Every ounce of it.
[00:36:40] What questions need to be answered at the end of this?
[00:36:43] What does it leave unanswered?
[00:36:45] I mean, this movie is self-contained because they didn't think there would be more.
[00:36:50] Right.
[00:36:52] So, I mean, it has an ending.
[00:36:54] It has a farm kid joins the rebellion.
[00:36:57] Takes on the empire.
[00:36:59] Destroys the castle.
[00:37:00] Saves the princess.
[00:37:02] Gets a medal.
[00:37:04] Chewy fucking doesn't somehow.
[00:37:06] No medal for Chewy.
[00:37:08] My brother got straight up mad at Thanksgiving one year.
[00:37:12] We were talking about that.
[00:37:14] About Chewy?
[00:37:15] About Chewy not getting a medal.
[00:37:16] About Chewy not getting a medal.
[00:37:17] He fucking got mad and stood up and was like, why the fuck didn't Chewy get a medal?
[00:37:22] It is weird because why do they make him stand there with them?
[00:37:26] Yeah.
[00:37:27] He's like, that's disrespectful.
[00:37:28] Chewy, you're my co-pilot.
[00:37:28] Come stand next to me while everyone tells how brave I am.
[00:37:32] I wonder what the backstory is on that.
[00:37:35] The whole medal?
[00:37:36] No, no.
[00:37:37] I mean, like why he doesn't have one.
[00:37:41] Yeah.
[00:37:42] Right?
[00:37:42] Like somebody had to ask the question, do I make one for Chewy?
[00:37:46] Right?
[00:37:47] Like the production designer, the set decorator, the wardrobe, whoever's like crossed, like
[00:37:52] whoever was responsible.
[00:37:53] Somebody was like, who's getting a medal?
[00:37:56] Yeah.
[00:37:56] Luke.
[00:37:57] Got it.
[00:37:58] Han.
[00:37:59] Definitely.
[00:38:00] Leia.
[00:38:01] Giving the medals away.
[00:38:02] Yeah.
[00:38:02] Leia's in charge of medals.
[00:38:04] So she doesn't get one.
[00:38:05] I don't know.
[00:38:06] Chewbacca, should he get one?
[00:38:07] I don't know.
[00:38:08] Ask George.
[00:38:08] He was the fucking first gunner, man.
[00:38:10] Right.
[00:38:11] No, I'm not.
[00:38:11] I mean, I'm saying Chewbacca deserves a fucking medal.
[00:38:14] He should have been giving them out.
[00:38:15] But I'm just saying somebody asked the question, do I make one for Chewbacca?
[00:38:20] Dude, does Peter get one?
[00:38:22] Right.
[00:38:22] And somebody was like, I don't know.
[00:38:25] Ask George.
[00:38:25] And then somebody was like, I don't want to.
[00:38:27] They're like, let's read the script.
[00:38:31] He bends down, she puts it around Han's neck.
[00:38:33] He bends down, she puts it around Luke's neck.
[00:38:35] No medal for Chewie.
[00:38:36] Zoom out.
[00:38:37] Nope.
[00:38:37] Done.
[00:38:37] Just make two.
[00:38:38] Thanks.
[00:38:39] They were the only two people that did anything good that day.
[00:38:43] I think it's hateful.
[00:38:45] Whole squad.
[00:38:46] Chewie was mad.
[00:38:47] He just went off and ate a porc.
[00:38:48] Smushed across the face of the thing that they then blew up.
[00:38:51] Poor Brown Squadron didn't make it out.
[00:38:53] The whole Brown Squadron.
[00:38:54] R.I.P.
[00:38:56] Our forerunners.
[00:38:57] Our ancestors.
[00:39:03] This movie also has, like, the Battle of Yavin is, like, the, it's the Jesus of the timeline.
[00:39:16] It's the, you know, everything is 22 years before the Battle of Yavin and 50 years after the Battle of Yavin.
[00:39:21] I have a question to ask you.
[00:39:23] Yeah.
[00:39:23] What battle?
[00:39:26] The Death Star battle.
[00:39:28] Sure.
[00:39:28] The Death Star.
[00:39:29] That's the Death Star battle, not the Battle of Yavin.
[00:39:32] There was no fighting on Yavin.
[00:39:33] But.
[00:39:34] That's like naming your battle after the port that you launched your ships from.
[00:39:38] Hmm.
[00:39:39] This is the Battle of Montgomery Bay.
[00:39:41] I've always wondered about the Yavin thing, too.
[00:39:43] I was like, what the fuck are they talking about?
[00:39:45] That's a good ass now that you think about it.
[00:39:47] That's a hell of hell.
[00:39:49] That's not really a hell, but it's just a.
[00:39:51] Now that you think about it.
[00:39:53] Oh, they go to hell.
[00:39:54] It's more an oh-be-go-to-hell than a how-to-hell.
[00:39:58] No, the how-to-hells are all the.
[00:40:01] Everything about.
[00:40:02] The poor dog.
[00:40:03] Twin brothers and sisters that don't know they're standing next to each other, that don't know
[00:40:06] they're standing next to their father, even though they are all force-sensitive.
[00:40:09] Right, right, right.
[00:40:10] Creatures.
[00:40:11] Like, Darth Vader could, like, force sense a fart on the wind.
[00:40:14] Yeah.
[00:40:15] But he's, like, chasing Luke down.
[00:40:17] He's like, this motherfucker.
[00:40:17] He's like, stop the ship.
[00:40:18] We just passed the planet.
[00:40:20] And my son's on it.
[00:40:22] For real?
[00:40:23] From Tatooine?
[00:40:24] What a coincidence.
[00:40:25] This is my name.
[00:40:28] And he's got a handmade protocol droid?
[00:40:33] And a astromec?
[00:40:35] Looks an awful light droid that I was building when I was a kid.
[00:40:41] Is that that motherfucker Obi-Wan Kenobi?
[00:40:44] Hanging out with him?
[00:40:45] No, no, no.
[00:40:46] That's just old Ben.
[00:40:49] That's old Ben Kenobi.
[00:40:51] Not the same person at all.
[00:40:54] That's a presence I haven't felt since...
[00:40:58] I gotta go.
[00:40:59] Right?
[00:41:04] Y'all, this dog...
[00:41:05] This dog is so high.
[00:41:06] This dog is so high.
[00:41:10] To be clear at home, they're talking about an actual dog.
[00:41:13] Remy.
[00:41:14] Not me.
[00:41:15] Not Remy.
[00:41:16] Grimlot got his nuts removed this morning.
[00:41:19] Poor dog.
[00:41:20] We'll post this picture for you so y'all can see what we're talking about.
[00:41:25] This poor dog is having a hard time.
[00:41:28] All right, what's next?
[00:41:30] Well, I don't know.
[00:41:31] We're just getting nerdy.
[00:41:32] I mean, I have my super big, super deep theory that the whole thing is a setup.
[00:41:40] That it's all an inside job.
[00:41:42] That Obi-Wan got together with Anakin to take down the Emperor.
[00:41:47] And this was step one.
[00:41:49] Is you gotta go get my kids and get them together.
[00:41:53] And bring them to the Death Star.
[00:41:55] Like, I think there was a whole plan.
[00:41:57] And I think Leia maybe even was in on it.
[00:41:59] Because she was a senator.
[00:42:00] So, I think that maybe that's why Leia is, like, standing there with her back up against Vader.
[00:42:05] Like, talking about, look who's holding Vader's leash.
[00:42:08] Is that before or after she has a British accent?
[00:42:11] It's after.
[00:42:12] Right after.
[00:42:15] Because her accent does change in the movie.
[00:42:18] Yes.
[00:42:18] When we were watching it, it felt like everything that comes out of Obi-Wan's mouth is a lie.
[00:42:24] Because everything he says is, oh, do I know him?
[00:42:27] Hmm.
[00:42:27] Haven't heard that name in a while.
[00:42:28] Like, he's thinking, do I keep lying or do I just say that's me?
[00:42:31] Okay, yeah, that's me.
[00:42:32] I'm Obi-Wan.
[00:42:33] And then he's like, a droid?
[00:42:35] I don't think I ever read a droid before.
[00:42:37] So, that's something that...
[00:42:38] R2's like, dude, do you remember when I was in the hangar and I turned on the elevator
[00:42:42] so you and Anakin could save the Chancellor?
[00:42:45] You don't remember any of that?
[00:42:46] I was vital to that mission, sir.
[00:42:49] Mm-hmm.
[00:42:49] I could fly back then.
[00:42:50] Do you remember when I had fire rockets in my feet?
[00:42:52] I have since decommissioned my own fire rockets.
[00:42:56] Burnt too many people.
[00:42:57] But, you could remember, please, that I was, like, a Clone War MVP.
[00:43:04] And no respect.
[00:43:05] Yeah.
[00:43:06] It's like me, the way he treats those droids.
[00:43:08] It's like poor Grimlock.
[00:43:09] But everything that Obi-Wan says, everything he says about Anakin, everything he says about
[00:43:13] what happened to him, you're like, are you sugarcoating this for Luke?
[00:43:19] Are you lying because this is part of the plan to get Luke off this planet?
[00:43:24] So, I think, what if...
[00:43:24] You're about to put a lightsaber in his hand and say, here, let's go kill your father.
[00:43:29] All right.
[00:43:29] So, we have the benefit of having watched a thousand hours of Star Wars content to include
[00:43:36] the Obi-Wan series, which deals with Obi-Wan's state of mind and his conflicts and all of
[00:43:43] that shit while he's, you know, on guard duty on Tatooine.
[00:43:47] So, what if, after he took down Darth Maul, what if he was just playing solitaire for, like, 10 years?
[00:43:56] Right.
[00:43:56] Yeah.
[00:43:56] Like, literally just, like, cooled out, didn't do a damn thing.
[00:44:01] Right.
[00:44:01] Yep.
[00:44:01] And then one day, Luke shows up and Obi-Wan lost his composure and was just like, here's everything.
[00:44:11] Right.
[00:44:11] Like, he just, like, drops it all.
[00:44:13] He's like, oh my God, your dad.
[00:44:14] Wait, no, not your dad.
[00:44:16] This is a lightsaber, but it's...
[00:44:19] Anyway.
[00:44:20] So, he just, like, didn't know what to do with the fact that Luke showed up because for the last 19 years,
[00:44:26] he's been watching over Luke and wanting to connect with him and wanting to train him,
[00:44:33] which doesn't make sense.
[00:44:34] Why would Obi-Wan want to train Luke?
[00:44:38] It didn't really go well for him last time.
[00:44:40] I mean, that's...
[00:44:41] He needs to fix some shit.
[00:44:42] That's Lars's point, right?
[00:44:44] Yeah.
[00:44:45] Maybe he wanted to fix some shit.
[00:44:47] He knew how he failed, or he thinks he failed.
[00:44:51] Anakin, right?
[00:44:53] Mm-hmm.
[00:44:53] Is Obi-Wan the best Jedi?
[00:44:55] Yeah.
[00:44:56] I think he is.
[00:44:57] He is.
[00:44:58] I think so.
[00:44:59] I think both in his actions...
[00:45:00] He's not the most powerful Jedi, but he's the best Jedi.
[00:45:03] I think he's the best.
[00:45:05] Mm-hmm.
[00:45:06] And the more that we see of Yoda, the more I'm like, bitch, you were asleep at the wheel.
[00:45:12] Mm-hmm.
[00:45:13] Do or do not, there is no try.
[00:45:15] Motherfucker, you did nothing.
[00:45:16] And not to bring current events into it, but maybe 900 years is a little too old to be running things.
[00:45:27] Maybe you need to step aside sometimes and let some younger people take over the Jedi Council.
[00:45:32] You think he talked right when he was, like, 300?
[00:45:35] No.
[00:45:35] Yeah, when he was 300.
[00:45:37] But now he's old.
[00:45:38] He was more racist back then, but yeah.
[00:45:40] Do or do not.
[00:45:41] I think there is no try.
[00:45:43] I think for the species that is Yoda and Grogu, I think they just jumped straight from wanting to eat frogs to backwards talk.
[00:45:53] Okay, good.
[00:45:54] Man, I thought you were going to say something.
[00:45:57] Jesus.
[00:45:58] All right, what's the next question?
[00:46:00] I think that's it.
[00:46:01] I mean, that's my whole, that's my big theory about it's all a lie.
[00:46:06] Obviously, there's, it's easily disproven.
[00:46:08] But that's my theory.
[00:46:10] Are there, do we still have questions left or was that it?
[00:46:13] No, that's all the questions.
[00:46:17] We've been forgetting and I can't believe you haven't brought this up.
[00:46:20] But who has the biggest dong?
[00:46:23] Well, in a new hope, it's motherfucking Chewbacca.
[00:46:26] Oh, wait, hold on.
[00:46:28] Before we move on to that, let's cover some of the notes we did write down.
[00:46:32] At 17 minutes and 11 seconds, we meet Luke for the first time.
[00:46:37] That's a big deal, man.
[00:46:38] You're almost 20 minutes into the movie and you haven't met the main character yet.
[00:46:42] 29 minutes, 46 seconds.
[00:46:44] Obi-Wan shows up.
[00:46:46] That's the end of act one.
[00:46:47] 47 minutes, 54 seconds.
[00:46:50] Han Solo shows up.
[00:46:51] You deep into act two now.
[00:46:53] Yeah, that's the only ones I wrote down.
[00:46:56] Vader shows up at like...
[00:46:57] But for some reason, when you're in a cabin watching this movie, those are vital.
[00:47:01] Well, but when you think about Han Solo, when you think about Han Solo, he's like, he's in all of Star Wars.
[00:47:07] No, he's not in that movie until an hour into it almost.
[00:47:12] They don't leave Tatooine until 55 minutes in.
[00:47:15] Damn.
[00:47:23] I also wrote down hypodermic needle with an exclamation point because when they go to torture...
[00:47:31] Oh, yeah.
[00:47:32] Princess Leia.
[00:47:33] Princess Leia.
[00:47:34] They've got a freaking hypodermic needle sticking out of the side of a floating drone droid thing.
[00:47:40] Like, is that scary?
[00:47:41] You can just poke her with a needle.
[00:47:43] You don't need a robot to do it.
[00:47:46] But of course, according to my theory, there was no torture.
[00:47:50] They just closed the door and hung out.
[00:47:53] And we're like, everything's going according to plan.
[00:47:55] Ben picked up Luke.
[00:47:56] They'll be here shortly.
[00:47:58] So I'm going to go downstairs.
[00:48:00] I'm going to shoot this board.
[00:48:03] And then I'm going to...
[00:48:04] He's going to...
[00:48:05] I'm going to Dumbledore him in front of Luke for him.
[00:48:11] He's sick of living in the sand.
[00:48:13] It gets everywhere.
[00:48:14] It does.
[00:48:15] It does.
[00:48:15] I have been told.
[00:48:16] Yeah.
[00:48:17] He never went back to Tatooine.
[00:48:18] Is that the only notes we made?
[00:48:20] Yeah.
[00:48:20] Yeah.
[00:48:21] Yeah, we were thorough.
[00:48:22] Yeah.
[00:48:22] Complete.
[00:48:24] What time did we watch this movie?
[00:48:26] It was like two in the afternoon.
[00:48:27] On Saturday?
[00:48:28] It was.
[00:48:28] Yeah.
[00:48:29] Yeah.
[00:48:29] It was daylight.
[00:48:30] But we had been up.
[00:48:31] It took six hours to watch it.
[00:48:32] We had been up for about four hours.
[00:48:34] And that's...
[00:48:36] Your day drinking.
[00:48:38] We don't drink.
[00:48:39] No.
[00:48:40] Never, ever in our history.
[00:48:42] Wouldn't.
[00:48:43] So yeah.
[00:48:44] That's the Star War.
[00:48:45] It is.
[00:48:46] And I love the Star War.
[00:48:47] It's a damn good Star War.
[00:48:49] Yeah.
[00:48:49] We have a podcast about a Star War because of this movie.
[00:48:53] The thing is, we're offered Moet and we don't mind Chivas, but wherever we go, we bring
[00:49:00] the Star War with us.
[00:49:02] So we brought up who has the biggest dong in Star Wars episode four, A New Hope.
[00:49:08] We have skipped this question quite a bit on the last several episodes.
[00:49:12] We can go back and do...
[00:49:13] We can talk about dongs all day if you want.
[00:49:14] Yeah, I think we should.
[00:49:15] But New Hope first.
[00:49:16] Who's the biggest dong?
[00:49:18] I am going to say that I don't want to say Jabba the Hutt because...
[00:49:23] He wasn't in this movie.
[00:49:24] Because he shouldn't be in this movie.
[00:49:25] I thought we said Chewbacca earlier, which is why I didn't offer to record this again.
[00:49:30] Well, if it's not Chewbacca, then who is it, baby?
[00:49:32] Is it a bantha?
[00:49:33] The bantha's got a bigger dong than Chewbacca.
[00:49:36] That's true.
[00:49:37] The bantha's like half dick.
[00:49:38] It's like Chewbacca's leg swinging under a bantha.
[00:49:42] And we're just getting started.
[00:49:44] We don't know the size or shape of the animal that was inside the trash compactor.
[00:49:48] When we define biggest, is it volume?
[00:49:51] Is it length?
[00:49:52] Is it mass?
[00:49:53] Like, what is it?
[00:49:53] Girth.
[00:49:53] Is it girth?
[00:49:55] Is it circumference?
[00:49:57] Is it staying power?
[00:49:58] Like, what are the metrics?
[00:50:01] I'm glad you asked.
[00:50:01] I actually do have a formula.
[00:50:02] Okay.
[00:50:03] I don't have a formula.
[00:50:05] Dear God, lay it on me.
[00:50:06] Okay.
[00:50:07] Because I would argue, I think the fucking creature that's in the garbage disposal, I
[00:50:12] bet it's got a bigger dong than a bantha.
[00:50:14] I bet it's half dick.
[00:50:15] It's too thin.
[00:50:15] We don't know how big it is.
[00:50:16] It's too thin.
[00:50:16] Right?
[00:50:17] No.
[00:50:17] I mean, is it like a snake thing or is it like a thing?
[00:50:20] I don't even know.
[00:50:21] I just see his little eye pop up one time, right?
[00:50:23] Right.
[00:50:23] It's an eye on one end and a dick on the other.
[00:50:25] It's one eye and a long dong.
[00:50:28] Instead of the one-eyed jack on one side, it's one-eyed jack on the other side.
[00:50:33] That's right.
[00:50:34] And ladies and gentlemen, by the way, this is why we often skip this question.
[00:50:38] Oh, I'm sticking with bantha.
[00:50:40] I vote bantha.
[00:50:42] Bantha.
[00:50:42] I wish y'all could see how serious this motherfucker looks.
[00:50:45] There's also those green things that they were walking on.
[00:50:48] Were they in the original?
[00:50:49] They were not.
[00:50:49] Are we basing this on the original or the special edition?
[00:50:52] Because I feel like those were added.
[00:50:54] I feel like there was one in the corner that didn't move because it wasn't real.
[00:50:58] Remember?
[00:50:58] That thing's not real.
[00:50:59] They added the giraffe with the fish ears.
[00:51:01] That the little...
[00:51:03] Inside Mos Eisley.
[00:51:04] The little buddy swings from its reins.
[00:51:06] I bet it's got a dick like an elephant.
[00:51:08] Probably.
[00:51:09] Probably still not bigger than a bantha.
[00:51:11] That's true.
[00:51:11] Bantha's just girthy.
[00:51:13] Bantha.
[00:51:13] Yup.
[00:51:14] Bantha just moves slowly, just dragging that dick through the sand.
[00:51:17] Or maybe, and hear me out, the Jawas under that hood, it's all dick under there.
[00:51:23] With two lights.
[00:51:24] With two lights stuck on the front of it.
[00:51:26] Jawas are actually just little dongs walking around.
[00:51:29] Click, click, click, click, click, click.
[00:51:30] Like those little dicks that you wind up and they hop around.
[00:51:34] Yes, just like those little dicks that you wind up.
[00:51:37] That's what Jawas are.
[00:51:39] Bantha.
[00:51:40] Bantini indeed.
[00:51:41] Bantha's bigger.
[00:51:41] Bantini.
[00:51:42] Bantini.
[00:51:42] Bantini.
[00:51:44] Bantini.
[00:51:44] Bantini.