With MTV’s claim of exclusively about the new season of The Challenge: All Stars, the spinoff’s fifth, the heads at the TV company made it more exclusive than I would've guessed! Fans had a hard time getting the premiere. When first announced that All Stars would air on the same channel as the flagship Challenge, fans breathed some relief: no more jumping to Paramount+ for the show, no more borrowing passwords, no more wondering why some of The Challenge is here rather than there. It seemed like one step to bring the wholeChallenge franchise to where it belongs! MTV for the win!
Alas, few streamers – from Directv Streaming to YouTube TV – had the hour slots in the programming for All Stars Wednesday night. There was no way to find it and no way to DVR it. In most guides, the words “No Information” or some form thereof appeared in the prime time block. The show aired despite the lack of description, but no DVR recorded the episode. Many viewers lost out. Eventually I found it by looking through Apple TV+ and seeing it as a popular watch: you know, as one would do for an MTV show.
As for the first episode of this season of All Stars, and like its first four seasons so far, the competition stuck to an hour runtime rather than the hour-and-a-half of MTV’s The Challenge. Viewers know going in that it features a Rivals subtitle and theme, and that’s a good draw for most. .
As for the episode, well, it was an episode. It begins with the season’s players walking into the sand pit, where ostensibly the eliminations will be held though no eliminations happened this week. Before long, T.J. rumbles a motorcycle to where they all stand waiting. He slicks his hair back, gives his patented smile, and readies them all for the reveal of the theme. As he loves to make players’ lives miserable, he gets delight re-introducing each of them to his or her rival, with the exception of Katie. Her rival is yet to appear. Some accept their fates, some grumble, some turn the cold shoulder, and even one of them is Beth.
I put Wikipedia to use for some of these folks! I’ve forgotten them or maybe they were contenders during that time in the early aughts that I didn't have cable, thanks to George W. (It’s a long story.) This cast includes new moms (Melissa, Amber B., Ashley K.), exes (Dario and Ashley K.), some older faces (Steve, Adam, and Aneesa), and Frank. Frank, who wears the same shirt he had when he premiered on MTV back in 2011. Remember 2011, folks? Me, either.
It’s obvious at this point that the season needs more Grade A competitors for any of it to be intriguing, especially coming off all the heavies from Season Forty. Devin, Leroy, Faysal, Ashley Mitchell, Amber B., Nany, and Aneesa fit well in any cast of The Challenge – never mind the misnomer “All Star” label for now – but the rest fall into Grade B or worse: Grades C and D. Sam, Sylvie, and Da’Vonne don’t generate much interest no matter whom they have as rivals.
Still, it is amusing to see each of them get paired, partly because of the memory lane walk and mostly due to reactions. The pairings make the case that the season’s winners will boil down to who of them can communicate to one another versus those pairs who are downright hateful. Let’s take Turbo, for example. I bet Nany can be annoying, but Turbo? He’s a jerk, and not even in a funny Bananas sort of way. Turbo and Nany are good at the challenges, at least, and that could give them a leg up on other teams, assuming they can survive one-word conversations.
All the pairs pick their bunk beds in the house with help or hindrance from their partners, but it isn't long before they are thrown into a messy, three-step challenge. Just before they begin, Veronica comes aboard to pair with Katie, lest Katie run the daily alone.
To begin the competition, the pairs collect mud to put into a container with nothing to use but their bodies. Once the mud hits the line on the container, it’s off to the second stop: using long sticks to carry one block of ice at a time to a cylinder of water. Get the water above the line and then move to the third and final step. There, the players have to balance balls on a board while stopping to pick up heavy sacks (balls and sacks, yes). The pairs who finish in the top four, collect stars: Adam and Steve, Ashley K. and Dario, Devin and Leroy, and, surprise!, Nany and Turbo.
It’s all for nothing – at least this week – as that essentially wraps the episode. There is no elimination, no voting, no indication on if the earned stars will be played differently than in All Stars 4. Due to the pairings, the throat clearing of this episode mostly works, though, as it sets the tone and reminds viewers of why these players have beef. The episodes better pick it up, though, as not even the challenge was that taxing.
This season paints the picture of being the one of annoyance. Turbo’s asinine unresponsiveness, Faysal’s still unearned cockiness, Big T and Melissa’s loud and obnoxious friendship, Ashley Mitchell’s heightened personality, Nicole’s voice, Aneesa and Veronica’s showing for the appearance checks, and Kellyanne and Beth. Kellyanne and Beth. That’s all. They’re enough to worry the horns off a billy goat.
With one episode down, it is hard to pick against Steve and Adam, Leroy and Devin, and Fessy and Amber. No other pairs have a similar advantage that could possibly work. If Turbo and Nany continue to win, it’s possible they, too, will see the final, but I don’t envision anyone but those first three pairings getting there.
While a rivals theme is fun, this season better step up with some intriguing twists and new ideas. The star aspect is played out now, some of these players should go home immediately, and that daily challenge was too easy for the level of these veterans are on now.
Plus, MTV, get your shit together. Lord!
Confessionals
There’s no way in hell that many people are actively watching all of these episodes of Ridiculousness. They show weeks and weeks of that show! Let me pitch you some ideas, MTV. There’s nothing to lose. You have the slots to fill!I’ve said it many times, but it bears repeating: some of these players need to come to the show in better shape. Do they not know what they’re signing up for?
Big T, once endearing and silly, annoys me now. And Melissa makes her worse. I think I’m ready for them to retire.
It’s odd having so many come straight from Battle of the Eras as that was such a big showing. Are Devin, Leroy, Aneesa, Katie, and Jonna not a bit worn down?
Steve and Adam have the best odds at mending fences and using that possible camaraderie to get into the final.
